


Memories on Display

by MaggieMaybe160



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Crying Castiel (Supernatural), Crying Dean Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fanart, Grief/Mourning, Inspired by Art, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Memories, Shock, profound bond birthday bash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22123651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggieMaybe160/pseuds/MaggieMaybe160
Summary: Cas is in shock after a battle and is going through memories to try to cope with loss.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56





	Memories on Display

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StardustDeanCas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StardustDeanCas/gifts).



> I made this based on a picture drawn by [stardustdeancas](https://stardustdeancas.tumblr.com/post/188013212505/destiel-fridge) for the Profound Bond Discord Birthday Bash. Follow the link to see their original post! Thank you for the wonderful art, Star!
> 
> If you're 18+ and love destiel, [come join us!](https://discord.gg/profoundbond)

Castiel stares at the refrigerator. It’s an ordinary object that exists in every person’s home now. It’s loved, visited many times a day. When the Winchesters had moved into the Men of Letters bunker, they had made it a home. They bought a new refrigerator and Dean had bought magnets. Sam filled it with fruits and vegetables. Dean stocked it with condiments and leftovers. There was nothing special about this fridge. 

There’s a sticky note that has messy handwriting. The only word scrawled across it is “Bitch.” A second post-it note is stuck just underneath with the practiced handwriting of a scholar. The retaliation is, of course, “Jerk.” Those were the first two things that were ever smacked onto the fridge to make it belong to them. 

When Dean had found a coupon, clipped perfectly among his brother’s things, he’d laughed at him and snatched it, running from the room while mocking Sam for being a couponer. Sam had chased him, trying to explain that saving money was a good thing. Dean wasn’t listening. Dean didn’t care. Dean stuck it to the fridge and said that the day Sam actually used that coupon was the day that Dean would pay him twenty dollars. 

There had been a day when Cas had been pushed against this refrigerator, his tie in Dean’s hand as their lips crashed together. Dean had bitten into his lip and moaned into his mouth. Cas had raked his hands through Dean’s hair and called out his name, a magnet or two clattering to the ground at their feet. 

Castiel marvels at the life that the door of a refrigerator can show. All of the relationships are displayed. Even Jack’s pictures are pinned there, badges of honor that they are. With a shaking hand, he pulls down the note that he’d written to Dean. 

_ Hello Dean, I just wanted to leave you a note just in case, well,  _ _ just in case _ _. I love you, Dean. Remember that. Castiel.  _

He puts it back where it belongs, silently cursing himself for disturbing it. It’s smudged with red, scarred forever. 

A refrigerator is a common household item. It’s a central part of the home, but no one talks about theirs much. It holds nourishment for those who live in that home, and the outside often reflects the important parts of those lives. Cas has seen many refrigerators. The report cards of children are hung proudly on the door of a freezer. The profound drawing of a two-year-old displayed for all to see. Wedding invitations, restaurant menus, notes between family members, postcards, snapshots of life. The door of a refrigerator is beautiful, Castiel decides, until those lives are lost. 

Cas can’t stand it. He pulls the letter back down, with its ugly mark of red. He takes the black feather that Dean had found as a gift on his nightstand the morning after their first night together. He accidentally tears the picture Jack had drawn after watching a Bob Ross video. The two halves fall at Cas’ feet as he continues to pull at the memories. The faded post-its crumple in his shaking hand. He can’t stand to look at those words. The coupon falls and a twenty-dollar bill goes with it. Cas tears each magnet off, throwing them to the floor as he finally feels himself cry. 

The refrigerator should be a clean slate now, but when Cas looks up from where he’s crumpled on the ground amid the mess of beautiful, painful memories, the door is streaked with blood. He pulls open the door and lets it slam into the counter. He pulls out the beer bottles one by one and throws them against the wall, the shattering of glass cutting through his cries. 

Beer runs down the walls and pools on the floor as Dean’s blood had. Cas shuts his eyes and screams. When he opens them again, the lights have gone out, their bulbs exploded into mercury-laced dust. He grabs whatever he can from the fridge, emptying the evidence of there ever having been a family that used this fridge. He scrambles to his feet amid the dark room and feels his already shattered heart sink into his stomach. 

The Crunch Cookie Crunch cereal box has fallen from its shelf. The decoder ring that Dean loves… loved so much is on the counter surrounded by surgery crumbles. Cas picks up the ring and looks at the glint of silver on his left hand. Two rings of Dean’s. 

Their ceremony had been private. It had to be. Sam stood by Dean, grinning ear to ear. Jack stood by Cas, a mirror of his uncle. Dean and Cas had recited their vows in English first. When they had finished, Dean took off the silver ring that had adorned his right hand for as long as he can remember and slid it onto Cas’ left ring finger. He kissed the top of Cas’ hand gently, his warm lips soft against his skin. Then they held their hands together as Cas spoke the Enochian vows that would bind them together. Dean recited them after Cas and refused to flinch when Cas’ grace cut into Dean’s hand, marking his skin with the rune of Castiel’s name. 

“You may kiss your husband!” Sam had announced at the end. Dean had grinned, pulling Cas to him eagerly and fitting their lips together seamlessly. Their mouths opened to each other and the kiss deepened, Dean’s hand tangling into Cas’ hair as Cas’s arms pulled Dean closer.

“I love you,” Dean murmured into his mouth. 

“I love you,” Cas had answered.

He looks from the silver band to the plastic toy. A cereal box “prize” for children who consume sugar for breakfast or for fully grown men who eat as much sugar as they can get their hands on in the middle of the night. He drops the plastic ring to the floor and looks around at the devastation he’s caused his kitchen. 

He can’t see the terrible mess. Instead, he sees Dean. The room is bright and there’s his green-eyed love, a beer in one hand and a spatula in the other. He’s making burgers. The room smells delicious. The timer goes off and out of the oven comes hand-cut steak fries. 

The table is set for four. Sam and Jack are waiting patiently, talking happily. Dean takes a sip of his beer and hands it to Cas as he prepares to flip the perfect burgers. This is what the room is meant for. Family gathering, nourishment of the body and soul. 

“Mr. Winchester,” Dean says, catching Cas staring. 

“Mr. Winchester,” Cas answers, planting a kiss on Dean’s cheek. 

But that isn’t what this room is anymore. That is gone. Cas trails his fingers over his trembling lips. He had to get out of this room. He walks into the empty hallway and makes his way to his room. Their room. Dean’s room. 

It’s how they had left it. The bed is made. There’s an unfinished cup of coffee next to Dean’s side of the bed. His hunter’s journal is open on the dresser. The room reeks of them. It smells of their kisses and cuddles and sex. It glows with their bliss. Because it hasn’t faded yet. It will, Cas guesses, in time. 

He turns out the light again, leaving the room untouched, and makes his way outside. He needs to breathe fresh air. Air that isn’t tainted with memories. Air that isn’t tainted with blood. 

The sky is studded with stars. The constellations that speckle the night are just as dazzling as the ones that had adorned his cheeks. Freckles, humans believe, are kisses from angels. In Dean Winchester’s case, that isn’t far from the truth. The sun had adorned his skin with them and Cas had kissed each one, feeling Dean’s smile beneath his lips. 

Cas closes his eyes, hot tears running down his cheeks. He’s lost everything. 

They had gone into battle knowing it might be their last. They had refused to say goodbyes, unwilling to give in so easily. Cas had ridden in the front seat of the Impala, his hand tight on Dean’s. In the backseat, Sam sat next to Jack. When Dean had parked, he took Cas’ face in his hands and kissed him. It was the only goodbye he was going to get. 

_ Just in case. I love you, Dean. Remember that.  _

Cas had held his husband in his arms as he died. He was still forbidden from saying goodbye. “This isn’t goodbye,” Dean had promised, blood on his lips. “Cas,” was the last word uttered on his dying breath. Cas had screamed, his soul torn. 

“Dean!” 

Cas looks down at himself now. He’s kneeling in the grass, his husband’s blood all over him. His white shirt is red, his blue tie practically black. He looks back up. He may be exiled from Heaven, but so is Dean. He looks down again, the wheels turning. 

“Dean,” he breathes. Castiel unfurls his wings and takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes, seeing green as he plunges downward, into the screams. 

Dean once bore the Mark of Cain. A prince he may be, Cas can hear his screams. The heat of the hellfire burns his skin, but he reaches into it. Cas grips his shoulder and pulls. They’ve been here before. Dean is still screaming, but Cas has him. Dean Winchester is saved again. 

They land on Earth roughly. Cas has Dean wrapped protectively in his arms and wings. When he realizes they’re safe, he opens his wings and feels the comfort of the crater he’s created around them. 

“Cas?” Dean’s voice is perfect. It’s also laced with worry. “Cas!”

“Dean.” Cas is sobbing. He pulls Dean against him and feels Dean kissing him all over. His thumbs brush the tears away and his lips find Cas’. “Dean.”

“Cas,” Dean says, burying his face into Cas’ chest. He’s crying. Cas wraps his arms around his husband and breathes him in. “Let’s go home.” Dean hugs him and shuts his eyes tight, allowing Cas to fly them home in the blanket of night. 

“I’m starving,” Dean announces as they walk into the bunker. Cas follows him to the kitchen. He stops when Dean gasps at the state of it. “What happened?”

“I thought I would die with you. I wasn’t ready to come back without you,” Cas says, trying not to look at the broken beer bottles, spilled milk, upended cereal, or exploded lights. 

Dean’s boots crunch over broken glass as he makes his way to the fridge. He picks up a magnet and a note from Cas and pins it back to the fridge. 

“Cas, I want to tell you, just in case, that I love you. Remember that,” he says, looking over his shoulder. Cas joins him in front of the fridge. He picks up the single black feather and a small magnet and puts it back. 

Dean picks up the things that weren’t completely destroyed, and carefully pins them back in place. He winces when he sees the coupon with the unpaid twenty dollar bill. His brother is still dead. His brother is in Heaven, Jack is in the Empty. Cas can’t reach them and they both know it. 

“I’m sorry,” Cas says quietly. 

“We knew it could happen,” Dean says, brushing him off as he clenches his jaw. He puts it back in its place, the money remaining with the coupon. 

“Come here,” Cas says, opening his arms. Dean hugs him and his entire body shakes as he begins to weep. He mourns his brother and his child. He cries for the hours that must have felt like days that he was stranded in Hell, waiting for Cas to rescue him. He sobs and Cas holds him, his arms a protective blanket. 

The refrigerator is broken. It no longer hums with electricity and the lightbulb inside shattered from when Cas had screamed. The door is smeared with dried blood and adorned with ripped pictures and chipped magnets. 

Refrigerators tell the story of the lives it nourishes. It used to feed a family of four. It held their food and displayed their love. Now, it’s broken, but it will be mended with time. The blood will be cleaned and new things will be hung. It will, just not yet. Right now, it mourns its loss of two beside Dean and Cas Winchester. 


End file.
